


The Way It Feels

by Ellie603



Series: Operator [2]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2019-03-25 19:27:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13841439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellie603/pseuds/Ellie603
Summary: Phil Coulson knows something feels wrong between him and his girlfriend Audrey, so he flies out to see her and figure things out. The problem, however, might not lie in Portland, but in the Shield Communications office with his new friend Melinda...(Phil's perspective duringOperator, Could You Help Me Place This Call?)





	The Way It Feels

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry this took longer than anticipated to post - busy week and all that - but it's up before the end of the hiatus so I'm calling that a win. This is long enough that I normally would have broken this into a couple chapters, but given that we get new stuff tomorrow (!!!) I figured I'd just put it all up now.
> 
> Massive shout out to SemperA for suggesting I do a one-shot from Phil's perspective, and thank you to everyone who read and enjoyed the main part of this fic!
> 
> This takes place over the last roughly 3 chapters of Operator, starting after Melinda tells Phil about her divorce and he decides to go see Audrey in Portland to maybe break up with her.
> 
> Enjoy!!

Phil Coulson stepped outside the Portland airport terminal to get a cab, his overnight bag swung over his shoulder. Phil knew the Portland airport well, but it was only recently that he’d had to resort to using taxis instead of his girlfriend coming to pick him up. 

The last time he’d been here, Audrey hadn’t even been his girlfriend anymore. He’d gone to her concert without telling her, and then approached her backstage. She’d thankfully been happy to see him, and when Phil left Sunday night they had been officially back together. 

But that had been three weeks ago. Phil had been truly happy for two of those intervening weeks, but since he and Audrey’s Skype date the previous weekend, Phil couldn’t help feeling like something was… off. 

Phil and Audrey had never had a perfect relationship, with Phil often away on business and Audrey moving to Portland, and there had certainly been days (or even weeks or months if Phil was being honest) that hadn’t felt quite right. But Phil had never let that get him down, and Audrey had always been willing to keep trying, so they’d stayed together. 

So Phil couldn’t quite figure out what felt different now, but he knew he couldn’t just ignore it this time. Especially after he’d talked to Melinda about it. 

Melinda… Phil really didn’t know how he’d gotten so lucky that Melinda had been the one to call him the day after Audrey left. She’d listened and given him advice and somehow over the course of a few phone calls she had become a very good friend. Phil missed the days when he had worked with Nick and Tony and the rest of the gang, his friends who he hardly ever saw anymore, so the appearance of Melinda in his life, a new and truly wonderful friend, had been a godsend. 

He had gotten back together with Audrey because of her. And now he might break up with Audrey because of her too. Hearing Melinda talk about her divorce had made Phil question everything about his relationship with Audrey. Did he care enough to put in the work in this relationship, even when they were so far apart? And was this weirdness he felt between them just something temporary or was it just going to drive them apart again with a lot more pain and heartbreak? 

Which led him to Portland.

He gave a cab driver Audrey’s address, knowing that Audrey had the evening off and that she was planning on spending it eating takeout and binge-watching some show on Netflix. 

Phil spent the drive to Audrey’s trying to figure out what he was going to say, which was what he’d been doing the entire flight from DC to Portland with no real success. He wasn’t sure he could put into words why he was even here. Saying that things had felt “weird” the last time they had Skyped made it seem like Phil was overreacting, which he could very well be doing, but the sinking feeling in his chest made him think he wasn’t. 

He wished for the millionth time that he could talk to Melinda. She was probably at her mother’s house in Pennsylvania for the weekend already. She seemed so much happier lately, and Phil was happy for her. She was a really good person who hadn’t deserved any of the bad things that had happened to her. 

The cab finally pulled up in front of Audrey’s apartment, and Phil paid the driver and got out, still no closer to figuring out what to say to his girlfriend. He’d just have to come up with something on the spot then. 

He took a deep breath and knocked on Audrey’s door. This was it. 

“Oh my God, Phil!” Audrey’s face lit up, and she threw her arms around him. “What are you doing here?” 

Phil returned his girlfriend’s hug and fixed his features into a smile. “Um, I just wanted to see you.” 

Audrey beamed at him and ushered him into her living room. 

“Have you eaten?” she asked from the kitchen, where Phil could hear her rummaging through cupboards. 

“Yeah, I had a bite before I left,” Phil replied, feeling oddly uncomfortable in his girlfriend’s apartment where he should have felt almost at home. 

Audrey emerged from the kitchen with two glasses and a bottle of wine. “Well, put down your things and come over here and tell me about your week then,” she said, still smiling widely as she led him to the sofa. 

Phil shook himself out of his paralysis and set his bag down, throwing his coat over top of it before joining Audrey on the sofa. 

And, as requested, he told her about his week, and he heard about hers, and everything should have been fine. 

But it didn’t feel fine. Audrey seemed so happy to have him there, but Phil’s heart wasn’t in it. 

And when Audrey curled up against him in bed that night, Phil couldn’t get comfortable. He had fought so hard for this relationship. Why didn’t he feel like he could fight anymore? 

But still, Phil tried. He made Audrey breakfast the next morning and did his best to feel normal. He and Audrey took a walk through a nearby park, and he tried to joke about passersby, but Audrey only offered small smiles and instead pointed out dogs and asked Phil what he thought about her getting one. 

Phil felt the distance between them more keenly than ever. As long as their jobs kept them apart, Audrey could get a dog and have her own life, and Phil could have his. 

He suddenly realized that he missed laughter. Audrey was lovely and sweet, but they were always so serious together. Certainly she smiled a lot, but there was something more missing between them. Phil had never really noticed that before, but now that he saw it, it was all he could think about. 

At dinner that evening, Audrey seemed more closed off than she had all day. Audrey was smart; of course she’d picked up on the fact that something was wrong with Phil. 

Neither of them spoke as they walked back to Audrey’s apartment, the silence tense between them. 

Phil sat on the sofa when they got inside, but Audrey remained standing. 

“Phil, what’s wrong?” she said finally. 

Phil sighed. “I don’t know,” he answered honestly. “This just doesn’t feel… right anymore.” 

Audrey blinked at him and then sat down in a chair, rubbing her face in her hands. “So you’re breaking up with me?” 

Phil didn’t answer. He didn’t know. 

“I mean when I broke up with you a month ago, we’d spent a whole weekend fighting about little things, so that made sense, right?” Audrey asked, clearly confused by what was going on in Phil’s head. “But today’s been lovely, so I don’t… I don’t understand, Phil. I mean _you_ were the one who wanted to get back together.” 

This was what Phil had been most afraid of if he was going to end up breaking up with Audrey: that she would think that he had been stringing her along, that he’d wasted her time. 

“I’m sorry, Audrey,” Phil said finally. “I… I wanted to be with you, I really did. I was… I was so happy after the last time I was here. But then when we talked last week… it just seemed like we were forcing things. So I came here to see if I was being crazy, but it still doesn’t feel right, Audrey. I can’t explain it. We’re both working so hard for this, and I… I just don’t know if I can anymore.” 

Audrey took a deep breath. “Okay,” she said simply and stood up. “Let me get you some blankets, and you can head out in the morning, I guess.” 

She started to walk away, but Phil grabbed her hand. 

She looked down at him, and Phil could see the beginnings of tears in her eyes. 

“I’m so sorry, Audrey,” Phil said again, needing her to know that he was upset too, that he hadn’t wanted this either. 

Audrey offered him the smallest of smiles. “It’s okay, Phil. I get it.” 

Phil took a cab to the airport next morning before Audrey got up, leaving behind a note thanking her for everything and telling her to be in touch. 

He felt terrible but relieved at the same time. If things were as weird as they felt, then Audrey needed to move on without him and let Phil figure things out himself. 

Phil anticipated a flight home filled with worry and regret and overthinking his decision to end things with Audrey, but he found himself thoroughly distracted by a little boy, maybe three years old, in the seat in front of him. The boy spent most of the flight making faces at Phil, which Phil returned. A couple of Phil’s old friends had kids, and Phil had always enjoyed playing with them when they were little. He’d always been too busy to even think about starting a family, but he did love kids. 

As they landed, the child’s mother thanked Phil for entertaining her son and allowing her to get some work done, to which Phil replied that he was happy to help and that he’d had fun himself. 

His cab ride back to his apartment was similarly diverting, as his driver turned out to be a card-carrying conspiracy theorist. 

“It’s half of the folks in the Capital!” the man said to Phil, gesturing around wildly as they drove into the city, Phil trying desperately not to laugh. “They’re aliens trying to penetrate our bureaucracy and take over the country!” 

Phil chose not to respond, but the man found enough insane things to say even without Phil’s input.

Phil was relieved when the taxi pulled up in front of his apartment. 

He spent the rest of the day catching up on work that he’d been too distracted to get done during the week. He made a fair amount of progress, but he still had a lot more work left than he’d intended to have back at the beginning of the week, especially since he still had Audrey hanging over him. He felt like he’d made the right decision about her, but he wished he could talk about it with someone… with Melinda. Melinda would know just what to say to make everything easier, she always did. If only he had a way to get in touch with her that didn’t involve him pretending to be a security threat to the company. 

But since that was still his only option for contacting his friend, Phil was happy to go back to work the next morning. He found himself running through his weekend trying to remember details to tell Melinda when he called her at the end of the day. He wondered if she’d be able to put how he felt talking to Audrey into words better than he could; Melinda was so good at that. 

“Hey boss,” Bobbi called from his doorway, a stack of papers in her arms. “The new contract forms are in.” 

She dropped the pile unceremoniously in the middle of Phil’s desk. 

Phil laughed at the large pile now added to the other work he was behind on. “Thanks a lot, Bobbi.” 

“Hey, it’s your job man,” Bobbi countered with a teasing smile. 

“You didn’t even say good morning or ask me about my weekend,” Phil complained back. 

Bobbi snorted. “Oh sorry, good morning.” She gave him a mock bow.

Phil laughed appreciatively. “How was your weekend, Bobbi?”

Bobbi smiled with a kind of soft happiness that Phil knew meant things were going well with her boyfriend. 

“It was really nice,” she said simply. 

“Things are good with Lance?” 

Bobbi nodded, smiling even more. “Yeah, they really are.” She shook herself out of what Phil assumed was a happy daydream and looked up at him instead. “And your weekend? You went out to Portland right?” 

Phil nodded more seriously. “Yeah, I did. And it was… good,” Phil said finally, allowing the words to settle over him and finding that they felt right. “Tough, but good… for the best.” 

Bobbi offered him an almost sympathetic smile, as though she knew exactly what Phil meant (which he conceded she probably did, Bobbi was better than anyone he knew at picking up signals like that; she’d probably have herself a nice big office in the upper floor of a high rise in just a couple years). 

“Good,” Bobbi said after a moment. “Well, those contracts aren’t going to read through themselves…” 

Phil rolled his eyes and waved a laughing Bobbi out of his office. 

Phil started working through the forms but he kept getting distracted thinking about talking to Melinda later. Of course he wanted to tell her about Audrey and see what she thought and if she understood things any more than he did, but he also wanted to hear about her trip to see her mother and if it had gone better than the last time she’d visited Pennsylvania when the divorce had just been finalized and, according to Melinda, she and her mom had just sat awkwardly across the kitchen table for most of the visit.

But all of the talk about break ups and things ending could make Melinda sad, and Phil didn’t want that, so he started wracking his brain for things to tell her that would make her laugh. Of course she had to hear about the toddler on the plane and the conspiracy theorist cab driver. Melinda would love that. He could already hear her laugh in his head, such a beautiful sound, ringing out with a genuine happiness that Phil absolutely loved. 

Wait. 

Phil stared hard at the contract he was supposed to be reading through, not registering a single word. 

Was this… was this something? 

Phil’s phone rang, and his heart leapt. 

“Phil Coulson.” 

“Hey Phil, it’s Mike. Just wanted to check that you’ll get someone to bring by the new contracts his afternoon.” 

“Yeah, they’ll be there. Bye, Mike.” Phil replied absently and hung up the phone. 

He had wanted it to be Melinda on the phone. He had wanted it so _badly_ to be Melinda. 

Because she was his favorite person to talk to in the world. Because just hearing her voice made him feel so happy. Because her laugh was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard. 

Because he’d fallen in love with her. 

Shit. 

Phil dropped any pretense of doing work and sat back in his chair, running his hands through his hair. 

 _I’m in love with Melinda._  

The thought was unfamiliar, but Phil knew instantly that the words were true. In the past few weeks he’d called her because he wanted to hear about her childhood, because he wanted to know what she was doing at work, because he wanted to run important decisions by her, because he wanted her to be happy and because he wanted to hear her laugh. He’d never even met her, but he had been so invested in her life and in her happiness and in his having a place in his life. 

Honestly he was surprised that he hadn’t realized it sooner. 

He thought back through conversations they’d had, their banter back and forth, their unwavering support for one another. He had always thought he was focused on Audrey, but the whole time his heart was directing him toward someone else. Toward Melinda. 

Suddenly it clicked. _That’s_ why everything had been so off with Audrey. He’d spent the whole week before the infamous Skype date with Audrey talking to Melinda where everything had been perfect and easy and filled with laughter and a genuineness that just didn’t exist between him and Audrey. And when he’d gone to talk to Audrey, even though he hadn’t even considered that Melinda had anything to do with it, somewhere subconsciously he had been expecting his conversation with Audrey to live up to the standard that Melinda had set… and it hadn’t. 

And when the time had come for Phil to decide if making the extra effort with Audrey was worth it, he had determined that he couldn’t do it anymore.

All because he knew that their relationship wasn’t as good as what either of them deserved. Audrey needed to be with someone that made her as happy as Melinda made him… and he and Melinda weren’t even together. 

And therein lay his next problem. Was it worth it to potentially jeopardize his amazing friendship with Melinda by sharing his revelation with her? What if she didn’t feel the same way? What if this would ruin everything? 

And even if he decided he wanted to take that plunge, he definitely couldn’t do it yet. He’d literally _just_ broken up with Audrey. To go running to Melinda now would make her seem like a rebound or something else just as casual when she deserved nothing less than to be taken seriously and loved with everything he had. 

Phil was acutely aware of how pathetic he sounded to himself. He had known he was in love with Melinda for less than half an hour, and he was already head over heels. They’d only spoken – Phil counted quickly in his head – seven times, and, yet, here he was, unable to tear his thoughts away from this wonderful Comms tech. And he had never even seen Melinda’s face.

He had found out early in their friendship that Melinda had seen his picture on his company page, but Melinda’s page only had her name, job title, and email address. No phone number (to Phil’s perpetual annoyance) and no picture since she had only worked there a few months. Phil tried to imagine the woman who existed on the other side of the phone, but he didn’t know what to expect. He just knew her laugh and her voice and the way she made him feel. 

Phil spent the rest of the day wrestling with how to handle his feelings for Melinda (though he did fortunately manage to get the new contracts down to Mike… even if that was the only work thing he actually did the entire day). He desperately wanted to talk to Melinda and tell her about his weekend and hear about hers, but Phil knew that once he started talking about Audrey and feelings it was only a matter of time and a few well-placed questions that would force him to admit that he was in love with Melinda. And he couldn’t do that, not yet, not when he hadn’t even fully figured out things for himself, and not when he wasn’t sure if he wanted to risk their friendship. It was too soon. So he couldn’t talk to her. No matter how badly he wanted to. 

The argument within himself continued for the rest of the week and into the next one. He had never met her. But he knew all about her friends and her divorce and all the little feelings that people only know about each other if they’re very very close. He didn’t even know what she looked like. But he could replay the sound of her voice in his head without even trying. He should tell her he loved her. But what if she didn’t feel the same way? 

Phil managed to rein in his emotions and get at least some work done (though certainly less than usual), but little things kept reminding him of Melinda and distracting him all over again. 

There were funny conversations between coworkers that he knew would make Melinda laugh. 

Another exec described a trip he’d taken to a town in Pennsylvania very close to where Melinda’s mother lived, which had Phil reliving a conversation with Melinda from weeks ago when she’d told him about her childhood. 

The worst was Bobbi listening to ‘70s music at her desk over lunch when somehow every lyric reminded Phil of Melinda.

He needed to get a grip. 

As the second week since his break up came to a close, Phil mercifully found a distraction in the company’s 50th anniversary party. Most of Phil’s closest friends would either be busy with organizing things and making speeches or else be absent on overseas assignments, but Phil was happy to have a chance to chat with some of the R&D employees he didn’t often see. Phil usually retreated into himself when something emotional was affecting him, but deep down he was a people person, and he missed the more collaborative work of his early days at Shield. 

Plus, Bobbi had promised that he could finally meet her illusive boyfriend Lance. Phil had only ever known Lance as a single picture sometimes on Bobbi’s desk or as the back of a head leaving Bobbi to go back to work as Phil returned from lunch, so he was excited for a formal introduction. 

Phil, Bobbi, and a few others from their floor emerged in the lobby to the beginnings of a party, everything set up but still not too many employees hanging around. 

Phil was almost immediately pulled away by Tony, one of his oldest friends and Senior Vice President of the company, second in position only to the CEO. 

“Phil! How are you?” Tony asked him jovially, clapping him on the back. “It’s been too long!” 

Phil grinned back. “It really has. I’m alright! How are you and Pepper doing?” 

Tony smiled at the mention of his wife. “We’re really good,” he replied happily. “And how’s Audrey?” 

Phil realized with a start that Tony didn’t even know that he and Audrey had broken up the first time. “Oh, um, Audrey and I decided to end things,” he said diplomatically. 

Tony frowned sympathetically. “Oh, I’m sorry Phil. How long ago?” 

“Just a couple of weeks.” Phil shrugged. “It’s okay, for the best you know.” 

Tony nodded. “Pepper’s been nagging me about having the old crew around for dinner one of these days,” he said, changing he subject entirely. “We’ll have to wait for Clint to get back from his stint in the China office, but you’d come, right?” 

Phil brightened considerably. “Of course! It’s been ages since I’ve seen anyone for longer than a couple minutes.” 

Tony’s attention was captured by someone over Phil’s shoulder. 

“Shit. It’s always a couple minutes, isn’t it?” Tony said sighing turning back to Phil. “I’m needed for the festivities apparently.” 

Phil laughed. Tony was part of the festivities anywhere he went. “Go do your job. We’ll catch up later.” 

Tony grinned, slapped him on the back and hurried away. 

Phil was quickly pulled into a group of R&D managers who wanted to talk about some of the projects Phil was securing funding for, which Phil was glad to do. He really liked all of his employees, and he usually didn’t have as much time talk with them as he wanted. 

One of the managers asked to introduce him to some of the other employees, and Phil ended up in a group in a less crowded part of the first floor. 

Phil talked to the employees for a few minutes, but soon the conversation turned to some of the finer points of one of their new projects, using language far too technical for Phil to follow. Instead he looked around the room and found himself catching the eye of Bobbi not far away. 

“Mr. Coulson! There’s someone you need to meet!” she called over to him 

Phil was excited to finally get to meet Bobbi’s illusive boyfriend, and he quickly excused himself from his conversation. 

Phil smiled at Bobbi as he joined her.

“Mr. Coulson, this is my boyfriend Lance Hunter-” 

Bobbi had never said Lance’s last name before. There was something familiar about the name Hunter… 

“- and I think you know Melinda May.” 

No. It couldn’t be. 

Phil turned to follow Bobbi’s gaze and was met with the sight of the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. 

Who looked just as shocked to see him as he was to see her. 

“Melinda?” he asked, his voice barely audible over the noise of the party. 

He felt like time had stopped in the moment it took her to respond. 

Finally she smiled slightly. “Hey, Phil. Nice to finally meet you.” 

Phil would have known that voice anywhere. 

He took a quick breath, utterly lost for words. “Wow… I just… Wow.” 

All he could do was stare at her. She was gorgeous. Never in his wildest dreams had he imagined that Melinda would be _this_ beautiful. She was just… perfect. Everything about her was perfect. 

“Can I give you a hug?” he asked, almost instinctively. He felt an urgent need to be close to her. “I feel like a handshake’s a little informal at this point.” 

To Phil’s immense relief, Melinda smiled at him wider and nodded, allowing him to wrap his arms around her. 

Phil felt her settle into his embrace, and he had the sudden desire to never let her go. 

“I can’t believe it’s you,” Phil whispered into her hair, not caring that this wasn’t the kind of hug that he should be sharing with a Comms tech he’d only technically just met. 

Melinda held him tighter, and Phil let himself hope that maybe this wasn’t just him.

Hunter interrupted them, prompting an insult from Bobbi, but Phil wasn’t paying attention to them. 

All he could see was Melinda. She was laughing at Bobbi’s insult, ducking her head so Hunter wouldn’t see. The sound was so familiar, so beautiful, but the sight of Melinda’s eyes sparkling, her shoulders shaking ever so slightly, her smile so wide and happy… Phil knew that this was it. He was deeply in love with Melinda May, and he would do whatever it took to make her laugh like that every day for the rest of her life. 

The group talked and got to know each other for a while longer, but Phil could only stare at Melinda. He wanted to memorize everything about her. The way her eyes glinted with mischief when she teased Hunter or how she would smile softly at her friend when he and Bobbi were being cute. She talked far less in person than she did on the phone, but it was more than enough. Each word from her was a gift, and each glance his way gave him a little more hope that she really cared about him too. 

Bobbi finally separated herself and Hunter from Phil and Melinda, leaving with a smile at Phil that told him he wasn’t being the least bit subtle about his feelings for Melinda. 

He led Melinda over to a bench, and their conversation ebbed and flowed, just as it always did, only this time when he made her laugh he was able to see the smile on her face for himself. He couldn’t imagine a more wonderful gift. 

Eventually he told her about Audrey, and he might have imagined it but he thought he saw a flash of relief and excitement momentarily flash across her features at the news, even as she offered him genuine and sincere sympathy. 

He loved her. How could he not love her? 

But he still wasn’t sure how to tell that to her. She had taken his hand, and he had been unable to stop himself from running his thumb over hers, relishing how right it felt to be here with her. But this was still so fast, and so when she asked why he hadn’t been in contact, he replied that he didn’t know how to say it yet, and Melinda had let it go. Of course she had. 

Soon they left the party, and Melinda led him up to her office, neither of them speaking, but the silence between them feeling perfectly natural. As he saw her window-less cubicle, all Phil could do was hope that he had helped her as much as she had helped him. 

Phil found himself flirting with Melinda shamelessly as the left her office and took the elevator up to his, but she flirted back just as easily. It was as though they belonged together, as though they’d been put on this earth only for each other. 

Phil knew he was a hopeless romantic, but he was getting worse and worse by the minute with Melinda’s hand in his. 

As soft music started to play from the party in the lobby, Phil asked Melinda to dance, and all he could think of was how perfectly she belonged in his arms. The words, words which had reminded him so much of this beautiful Comms tech earlier that week, drifted over them, and Phil knew with absolute certainty that this was going to be the start of something amazing. The start of the rest of his life. 

But the illusion was broken with one word. 

“Phil?” 

Audrey was there. She’d come to win him back, just like he’d done to her all those weeks before. But she hadn’t expected this. To find him dancing in his office with another woman, moments away from kissing her and confessing his love for her. 

Melinda fled, leaving behind only a small smile and the ghost of her in his arms. Phil’s heart shattered in his chest. 

“Is this why you broke up with me?” Audrey accused, her voice low but pained. “Because you already had someone else back here? Were you cheating on me, Phil?” 

“No, no, of course not, Audrey.” Phil moved toward her, needing his ex-girlfriend to understand that he hadn’t meant to hurt her in any way. “Melinda… she was just a friend.”

Audrey glared at him. “That didn’t look like just a friend, Phil.” 

Phil almost smiled in spite of himself. “Point taken, but I promise you that nothing ever happened while I was with you.” He paused. “This was actually the first time I’d ever seen Melinda in person.” 

Audrey looked less upset but still confused. “What’s that supposed to mean?” 

Phil sighed and gestured for Audrey to take a seat on the sofa, which she did warily, Phi sitting down beside her. 

“Melinda’s a Communications Technician for Shield,” he began. “A couple months ago, actually the day after you broke up with me-” 

Audrey looked sheepish, but Phil offered her a small smile so she’d know there were no hard feelings. 

“That day, I was distracted, and I forgot your number and tried to call you, but I couldn’t read the paper with your number on it, and I ended up triggering a security threat from the company.” 

Audrey smiled slightly, clearly remembering the many security hurdles she’d had to jump through just to be allowed to call Phil at work. 

“Melinda was the tech who was alerted about the threat, and she called me to follow up. I was upset, and she asked me if I was okay, so I ended up pouring out the whole story to her, and she listened.” He smiled to himself thinking of that day and how definitely pathetic he must have sounded on the phone. “About a week later, I triggered another threat because I was distracted, and I ended up talking to Melinda again. She was the one who suggested I go out to see you in Portland.” 

Audrey looked surprised at that, but Phil simply nodded. 

“She knew I was upset, so she helped. The next week I called her to tell her that we were back together and to thank her, and I ended up trying to help her instead of her helping me. We got to be good friends, and I really needed that when I didn’t have anyone else.” Phil sighed, preparing himself for the most difficult thing he had to tell his ex-girlfriend. 

“I broke up with you because things felt wrong that weekend we Skyped and because they still felt wrong when I went out to Portland. It was only after I came home and wanted to talk to Melinda about everything that I realized I felt something beyond friendship for her.” 

“And that’s why things were weird with us?” Audrey asked, her eyes sad. “You were in love with her, even if you didn’t know it.”

Phil hung his head. “I’m sorry,” he said softly. 

“So tonight was the first time you guys had ever actually met?” Audrey asked after a moment. 

Phil nodded, still not meeting her eyes. 

He heard Audrey stand up beside him, and he looked up. 

His ex-girlfriend seemed sad but not upset. “Good luck, Phil. You guys looked sweet together.” 

Phil stood up and gave Audrey a hug. “Thank you,” he replied softly. 

Audrey nodded and left, disappearing as quickly as she had arrived. 

Phil sat back down on the sofa with his face in his hands. He could only hope that this wouldn’t change things with Melinda. He hated that his ex-girlfriend knew he was in love with Melinda before he had even told Melinda himself. 

He had to find her if she was still here. 

Phil quickly retraced he and Melinda’s steps from earlier back to her office, but found her cubicle empty and the coat that had been on the back of her chair missing. She had already left. 

Phil sighed knowing that there was nothing he could do now. He’d just have to wait until Monday to talk to Bobbi to see if she (or Hunter more likely) knew anything and then get in touch with Melinda. It would be torture having to wait the whole weekend, but he could do it. He’d do anything for Melinda. 

Phil used the weekend to think over exactly what he wanted to say to Melinda, while also attempting to get work done. He was still a little behind from the aftermath of his trip to Portland, but he was doing his best to catch up. And doing work took his mind off things; the faster the weekend went, the sooner he could talk to Melinda and tell her that he loved her. 

Phil got to work on Monday earlier than usual, anxious to talk to Bobbi and hopefully see Melinda. 

“Hey boss,” Bobbi said cautiously when she finally arrived at his office. “Everything go okay Friday night?”

Phil didn’t want to share the details with Bobbi, so he merely shrugged. “Have you heard from Melinda?” he asked instead, trying not to seem too desperate. 

Bobbi shook her head. “She skipped brunch with her friends on Saturday, and Lance heard from one of their friends that she had a rough weekend.” 

Phil could tell that Bobbi was withholding information of her own. 

“Was she upset?” Phil asked, a little more urgently.

“I’m not sure, “Bobbi replied, almost concerned. “I’m getting lunch with her and Lance today, so I can find out for you, if you want.” 

Phil nodded immediately, cursing himself for not telling Melinda how he felt earlier so they could have spent the weekend together. He was glad that Melinda had at least been in contact with her friends, but he didn’t like the sound of a “rough weekend.” 

Without conformation that Melinda was okay, Phil was entirely unproductive all morning. He knew that if he didn’t get his act together soon, Nick might get on his case, and he really didn’t want that. 

But that didn’t stop him from giving up all pretense of trying to get work done after lunch. Instead, he misdialed several numbers to trigger a security threat that would hopefully be answered by Melinda. 

After several minutes, his phone rang but it was a male British voice on the other line rather than the beautiful one he had come to love. 

“Hey Phil, it’s Hunter.” 

“Hunter, hi, I wanted to talk to Melinda,” Phil said hurriedly. 

“Sorry, mate,” Hunter replied. “May’s unavailable at the moment. She’s had a bit of a tough time, which you’d know all about, so I’d give her space if I were you.” 

“But she shouldn’t be upset,” Phil argued. “It wasn’t anything. I need to tell her-” 

“Look, Phil,” Hunter interrupted him. “I don’t know what’s going on, and it isn’t my business, but May doesn’t want to talk to you, so give it a rest, okay?” 

Phil didn’t know what to say. 

“She knows how to get in touch with you,” Hunter continued. “Give her time.” 

Hunter hung up the phone. 

Something was very wrong. Melinda shouldn’t be so upset that she didn’t want to speak with him. Unless she didn’t actually have feelings for him? But it really seemed like she did? Or was this just about Audrey? Phil was utterly lost. 

Bobbi returned, and Phil immediately waved her into his office. 

“What’s wrong with Melinda?” Phil asked almost frantically. “Hunter just told me she doesn’t want to talk to me and that I should give her space, but it doesn’t make any sense.”

Bobbi shook her head helplessly. “I’m sorry, Coulson. I’m not really sure what’s going on either. Lance hasn’t given me all the details, not that he knows all that many himself. But May did seem really down. To be fair, I’ve only met her once, but Lance has been being very protective of her so I think she’s really upset.” 

Phil rubbed his face in his hands. 

“Maybe just give her time?” Bobbi suggested softly. 

Phil shook his head. “There’s something going on here. She wouldn’t stop talking to me unless she thought something was really wrong, and it isn’t… I have to fix this, Bobbi.” 

Bobbi offered him a small smile and returned to her desk. 

Phil tried to contact Melinda again right at the end of her shift, their usual time to catch up. 

But again it was Hunter who called him. 

“Hunter, can I please explain.”

“Phil, I’m really not involved with this.” 

“Melinda says you’re always trying to get involved in other people’s business, but suddenly you’d rather not get involved?” Phil countered, frustrated. 

“Oy, I’ve barely even spoken to you and you’re accusing me of being nosy?” Hunter replied, clearly annoyed. “If you wanted me to help you, you could at least be nice.”

Hunter hung up without another word, and Phil lay his head down on his desk in defeat. 

Phil tried again the next afternoon, but again ended up speaking to Hunter who seemed a bit more sympathetic now, perhaps because he’d talked with Bobbi after work the day before. 

“I don’t know what happened with you guys, but you certainly are very persistent, Phil,” Hunter said as almost a compliment. 

“I just need to explain things to Melinda,” Phil pleaded. “There’s clearly been some sort of misunderstanding.”

“So, you _are_ still into her?” Hunter asked without any subtlety. 

Phil didn’t necessarily want to admit to Hunter, who he barely knew, that he was “still into” Melinda, but his silence was affirmation enough. 

“See, I’m pretty sure May thinks you _don’t_ like her,” Hunter continued conversationally. 

Phil groaned at that. “And that’s why I need to talk to her!” 

“You should still give her some space, mate,” Hunter cautioned. “Let her work it out for herself.” 

“But if she doesn’t know how much I lo- _care about_ her,” Phil stopped himself quickly, not wanting to admit too much to Hunter, “then she might never speak to me again!” 

“I’m sorry, Phil,” Hunter said, sounding more genuinely sympathetic than Phil had ever heard him. “I’ll be in touch.” 

The line went dead. 

When Phil tried to contact Melinda the next day, he didn’t receive a response phone call at all. Instead he was issued a warning about misusing the security system that he _knew_ had come from Melinda. She had mentioned to him weeks ago that warnings could be sent if employees triggered too many alerts… this was just her way of telling him that she still didn’t want to speak with him. 

If Phil knew why Melinda was ignoring him, he would have let it go. If he had done something to make her unhappy or upset in any way, he would have stopped trying to contact her and just hoped that she would call him. 

But if, like Hunter said, Melinda was ignoring him because she thought he didn’t like her, then Phil had to do something about it. 

What if she thought he had chosen Audrey over her? The thought was laughable to Phil, but since he had never told Melinda how he felt, how was she to know how deep his feelings for her were? He _had_ to tell her. He just needed a way to talk to her. 

Bobbi appeared in his office at the end of the day and sat down across from him. 

“Mr. Coulson,” she began, “with all due respect, you’ve been behind on your work for weeks now, but the last three days, I haven’t seen you get a single thing done. I have projects I need to get started, but I can’t until you send me information. This is badly affecting your work. You need to get it together.” 

Phil nodded glumly. He had no argument for that. Bobbi was right. 

“Coulson, what happened with May?” 

Phil looked at her sharply. “Don’t you know?” 

Bobbi shrugged. “I know you guys got along really well at the party and then disappeared.”

Phil almost smiled at the memory. 

“And then I know May didn’t show up to brunch, Daisy got worried and went to check on her, and on Sunday Lance got a call from her telling him to look out for May at work the next day because things had gone badly between the two of you, and she was upset.” 

Bobbi stopped. “And that’s all I know. Besides how depressed both of you have looked all week, and how you keep trying to get her to call you all the time.”

Phil sighed. “Things didn’t go badly between us,” he said after a moment. 

Bobbi glance at him curiously. 

“Audrey showed up.” 

Bobbi’s eyes went wide. “Oh shit.” 

Phil nodded his agreement. “Audrey and I are done for good, but it must have scared Melinda. I feel so terrible. There’s so much I need to tell her… but she just won’t let me.” 

Bobbi thought for a moment. “Okay. I’ll see what I can do tomorrow.” 

Phil offered her a small smile. “I don’t know what you can do, but thanks anyway, Bobbi.” 

Phil tried to get work done the next day, but all he could think about was how he was never going to hear Melinda’s voice ever again. He knew he could go down to the Comms office and try to catch her there, but he didn’t want to invade her privacy like that. It wouldn’t be fair to her. 

Bobbi returned from lunch smirking and marched into his office. 

“Okay, here’s the plan,” she began without preamble. “At the end of the day, Lance will set up a fake security alert linked to another account, but we’re going to patch it through to you so even though it won’t look like it’s coming from you, May will make the response call to you anyway. And then you can say what you need to say.” 

Phil blinked in surprise. “Hunter’s helping me?” 

Bobbi smiled. “He said you sounded really desperate, and he can tell you really care about her.” 

Phil smiled sheepishly. “Thank you guys.” 

“Of course!” Bobbi replied brightly. “The company needs you back at 100%.” 

Phil raised his eyebrows at her. 

“And I don’t like seeing you so sad,” Bobbi added, rolling her eyes and quickly exiting his office.

The next few hours passed slowly as Phil thought through exactly what he needed to say to Melinda. He was worried that she might not even talk to him, but excited just to hear her voice again. He missed her. 

Finally it was time, and Phil just had to wait. Hunter was taking care of all the tech stuff, and Phil just had to answer the phone.

It rang, and Phil picked up immediately. 

“Melinda, please let me talk to you.” 

“Phil?” Melinda sounded even more nervous than Phil. “This… this wasn’t your number.” 

“Bobbi and Hunter offered to patch me through a different number so you’d respond, and so I wouldn’t get in trouble with the company after the warning I was so nicely sent yesterday.” He was trying to make her laugh, but Melinda stayed serious. 

“What do you want Phil?” 

“I need to tell you what happened after you left last week,” Phil started, but Melinda interrupted him. 

“Phil. I don’t want to hear this. But I do need to say something.” 

So instead of Phil’s prepared explanation, he listened to Melinda thank him for everything he’d done to help her, for making her reach out to her friends, and for helping her be happy when she hadn’t been for so long. 

With every word, he fell a little more in love with her. 

“So thank you,” Melinda said finally. “But after what happened on Friday, I don’t think we should talk anymore… I just… I _really_ can’t hear about you and Audrey getting back together, Phil… okay?”

“Audrey and I aren’t back together, Melinda.” Phil said immediately, finally having an answer to why Melinda had been ignoring him for days. She thought he was back with Audrey, and she was trying to move on. Because she was too kind, too good, and thought far too little of herself. Phil needed to do something about that. 

“What? I don’t understand… she was there, and I was… a friend.” 

Phil _had_ told Audrey that Melinda “was” a friend. As in “had been a friend but was now something so much more than that.” If Melinda wanted him. 

“Please, Melinda, let me explain,” he asked one final time. 

She didn’t answer for a moment, but then he heard her take a breath. “Okay.” 

And Phil told her everything. How he had realized he had feelings for her, how he had told Audrey about her and how Audrey had left, and how he was in love with her. How he was _so_ in love with her. 

And Melinda said she loved him back. 

Phil instantly put her on hold, needing to go down and see her face for himself. 

As he practically ran out of his office, he passed Bobbi who looked up at him, a question in her eyes. 

Phil only grinned in response.

He was in love with Melinda May, and Melinda May loved him back. He had been right; this was the start of something amazing, the beginning of the rest of his life.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading!
> 
> Comments and Kudos are so appreciated!


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